An incident occurred between myself and my son that inspired me to write this.
We recently moved into a bigger apartment, and as I was unpacking, he kept messing with things I asked him not to. I ignored him for a bit, then I fussed at him. In the midst of me fussing, he put his hand on my face, and said “Mama, I love you”.
Not going to lie, it was the sweetest thing ever, buuuuuut it immediately made me think of the countless numbers of times, that mechanism has been used to attempt to deflect in a relationship.
I explained to him how I loved him too, but it doesn’t negate the fact that I was upset with him for continuing to do something he was specifically told not to do.
This whole ordeal had me thinking about the behaviors men pick up in childhood, that carry over into their adult life. P.S. I’m generalizing, but I’m more than sure it’s applicable to most.
I can recall a couple occurrences where the “I love you” or “Do you still love me” card was pulled, and even then I wondered what did that have to do with the issue at hand.
Is this something men do to get you to forget why you’re mad? Is it supposed to make me be any less mad? And how did my 3-year old know to attempt it?
Being a boy mom, I have always fought to raise emotionally intelligent sons, because as a woman I know the frustration of a man not understanding 🙄. I don’t want someone asking my sons “who raised you” or telling them their mama didn’t teach them anything.
I’m fairly certain that I explained to his 3-year old level of understanding how someone’s feelings towards you shouldn’t change when they’re mad or what have you AND that you shouldn’t try to use love or the illusion there of to manipulate them.
This makes me wonder the number of men who wouldn’t be fuck boys had someone sat them down during their youth and explained what emotional intelligence and accountability is.
I said all of this to say, when you see your children or children you interact with regularly exhibiting certain behaviors you know to be manipulative, correct them. They hear you. They may act like they don’t, oh but they do. We have to hold children accountable for the things they do in order for them to grow into adults who hold themselves accountable.
Many things I have experienced while dating, have helped me to learn what to watch for and intercept with my sons. After all, I am raising someone’s future husband.